yep 2 days have passed since i decided to do this.
5 more days to next week.

lets see.
will i become better or worst?
let fate decide

To be continued

God, i'm not the type to talk to people. i don't want to lose another friend again. i should keep my mouth shut in case something happen. stuff everything to myself. so many things i want to talk but just could not say it out anymore.

The feeling of fear to lose a friend


I don't even dota anymore.

These few days, i've just been telling myself. i have to change. but i still want to live the life i was. just be myself. but. FUCK I DON"T EVEN DARE TO TALK ANYMORE

crap. living like this. i rather die.


2 choice here yeah?



1. Just Change myself
2. Death


I can't take this anymore. Fear is building up inside my heart. dear readers.

do you have this feeling of wanting to talk to the person more. but just afraid that u'll lose that one person who is important to you? regardless of friend, family or any other relationship you have with that person? well i have.

i really admire those people who can live so carefree.


i tired so hard. to make people around happy. i failed horribly
perhaps, i'm just not the person to make people happy.
maybe, i should just be quited
maybe, i'm just not the guy to have any friend
maybe, i landed on this world by mistake

yep. look at the bright side of life? don't crap me.

i don't think i can

thank people who put up against me.
but now you don't have to anymore.

because, i've choose to walk my path by myself.

guess this is what they called failure huh?

can't even send out a message without looking at the send button for time
lets end this reading shall we?


Goodbye

Fuck. i got a fever, feeling is like burning in hell. lol. Spended yesterday night outside make video. alot of NGs, alot of mistake made. lucky my fingers is almost recovering soon. god. my injury recover fast lol. now whats left is my fever. must eat alot of panadols already.

but for my new video. It was all worth it =D

Yeah. another day has passed. okay, i'm going to write some of my things here. some of you may found this shocking. but, now i had made an answer. yep


First of all, its not an april fool joke.

Emo
okay. lets see, this may be quite similar to all my friends, yes. sometime i may be emo. why? now its time for me to say the answer

Its because i'm afraid of everything
Yes. i'm afraid of everything, i afraid of losing another friend. to people whom always talked to me on msn/sms me, u people want to know why i took so long to reply? its because i'm afarid i will say something wrong, looking at the msg for 5mins before replying sometime. yes, call me stupid. afarid of me being iritating to people. yes, thats the feeling i always had when i talked to people.

To my friends, okay, these days i know i've been acting weird to you guys. i'm sorry, its because i'm in a mixed feeling. so yeah. finally found the answer.

If you scare of iritating other people, don't talk in the first place

If you are scare of losing friend, don't make them angry, in order to do that. is to don't talk too much

If you are scare to saying something wrong to people. don't even talk in the first place

Yeah, i'm going to currently closing my door out for everyone for now. sorry for being a fucker.
I'm going to write a long list

(Friends who i talked to these past few days)

Azrie: Thanks for all the good time. Hope ur happy with ur $1.2k don't anyhow spend okay?

Benji: Sorry but your memory card will have to wait, be happy always

Catherine: Heh, Our chatting time is short, but at least its good yeah? Sorry, guess the video will be the first and last thing i do for you. so it'll be one of my best. cheer up and be strong, i must be a fucker. said wanted to be ur listening ear and now i'm closing my door. hah...sorry

Chun Yong: Thanks for the birthday yeah? stay long with ur stead

Connie: Lol thanks for coming to my birthday

Clarence: sorry for not replying, yeah really sorry. but i won't be ever replying again

Dennis: Have fun with ur new ds, u stay long with ur stead too okay?

Haqim: Haqimo!, heh, be pro in ur dota. supass me =]

Jessica: hmm, guess i'll never be mature for a short time =]

Jun wei: lol, ur the funny one. hope that your find something more better then viwawa. good luck

Michelle: hmm. let me guess what your going to say first before i said anything. fool? lol. anyway. your the song queen. don't need me to send you song one. haha

Sabrina: sorry but you have to keep the birthday present for awhile ya?

Ting jun: lol, i don't know what to talk to you eh thanks for the funny times? lol

Vanessa: yep, thanks for coming too. Hope u do well in life

Not all friends are included. sorry

That closed up some of my speech and yeah, let me say the last. Sorry people. i'll still may reply on msn, but not that much though. but i'll never be the first one to talk to people anymore. I'll never be able to care for people. i don't even know if the people i cared ever appricated it or i'm just being a bug to them either way. yeah, you guys don't have to worry about people like me anymore

i have many good friends. i closed my door because i don't want to lose u guys. not because i don't like you guys. remember it always. new friends, old friends. all applys.

so yeah. guess this is byebye.

My health is starting to fall too

stomach nowadays feels werid, no appitite. tell me i'm pregent and i will fuck you.
having real stm (short term memory)

Guess i've Smo** too much. yes.

don't worry, i'm not gonna die.

i'm a fucker yep.

goodbye all.
sorry for not replying to all of tags.

wow best birthday present god has given me. a chance to study =]

okay, now its 12am. the top 5 people who said to me happy birthday:

1.Sabrina
2.Catherine ( best birthday wishes )
3. jun wei
4. Benjamin, Chun Yong, Vanessa, Connie ( funniest birthday wishes)
5. TingJun

anyway why i said Catherine gave the birthday wish is because

Birthday cake


Birthday card


and for the funniest bday wishes, haha its related to "car accident" =]

haha yep. thanks everyone i love u all =D
(i have good friends, thank you god for letting me meet them)

okay finally some free time. woots!!

(i'm going to wear gay clothes tomorrow :D)

okay so heres the plan

we will all meet at ( pending, wait) mrt station at 5pm
we will go night safari (for Pontianak (by azrie) )
after that, those who cannot stay longer will go home as in some got school
those who can, will go to pasir ris and rent a bike to ride until the next morning
thats the plan. yeah

and i hope that NO MORE KFC like 2008 =]

people who are coming: (more to be updated)
jun wei
chun yong
dennis
benji
azrie
tingjun
guan xiong


so yeah keep looking